I Love Children But……

“Sooooo, when are you going to have some kids?” is a question I get more often then I’m thrilled about. “Wha?” (yes, I’m always taken off guard). Do I go into my stance on having kids, laugh it off, or tell them some date in the far off future? In my head, I’m giving my “This question sucks” face, but usually, I just shrug and say “One never knows…” Here’s the thing though. That response is only partially true, because I’m pretty careful about these things and if I were to have a child, it would most likely be planned.  And the really real is, I’ve never had an accidental pregnancy, so it could be that I’m not able to have kids at all. Now don’t you Noisy Nellys feel badly now? HA! Seriously, I have no idea. I have never tried to conceive of anything….but great ideas:-)

 

Having children has never been a huge priority of mine. Don’t get me wrong, I LOVE children. Fiercely. I’m sure due in part to my not having such an ideal childhood, I am very protective of childhood innocence. I know that if I were to have a child, that I’d be all in. I’d want to make all their food from scratch. Home School. Vacations just to learn specific languages. Sports. Dance and music lessons. Art Class. Wood Work. Math camp (yup). All this could make a child extremely happy, or miserable; but I’d be hard pressed to not put every ounce of energy into something that I created…and that’s going to cost me at least $350,000 (before college) to raise. I put my body and bank account through that, yeah, I’d want my child to have the ability to save the world.

That being said, I’m just not sure that journey is in this life’s plan. I finally feel like I’m on the right path in my life and now I’m supposed to include another person into the mix when I’m just getting the hang of things? But I’m happy though. Really. And didn’t I just get a cat? Can’t I be good with that? Cuz I AM good with that.  I’m in a relationship with someone who isn’t gagging at having children either. We mentor several children who have come into our lives. He has a great relationship with a wonderful little boy from his previous relationship (not his blood, but he loves him just as much). Frankly, I just don’t think I want it enough. I think children deserve parents who have a passion for parenting. We couldn’t commit to getting a dog because we’d have to walk it.  7am poop walks in 30 degree weather just didn’t seem awesome. Well, it’s the truth.

I don’t know if I’m up for the challenge. I can be a jerk without at least 6.5 hours of rest. Besides, I dig being “Aunty Kelly”.  I adore seeing my friend’s kids, the children we mentor, my cousin’s kids, and all the awesome kids that come into our cafe who tell me all the great things in their lives; they make my heart soar. To be that adult that can give them my undivided attention because I am able (since I’m not around their high energy all day and night) is a treat. Because I know they need that kind of attention from someone and often their parents just don’t have the energy. I get to see their bright little starry eyes (on their best behavior) explaining their passions and school awards. But I don’t have to make sure they have clothes on their backs and that they get into the right school. I don’t have to decide if I should get them immunized. What they can and can’t watch on TV. To spank or not to spank. To let them have the crazy friend or not. The talk you have to have about sex…and racism, sexism, and classism. Yikes parents, I feel for all the tough decisions you have to make.

I’m going to say that in this life time, I’d like to spend the time that I would spend on rearing a child, toward pursuing my passions. I want to shine some light on the world. Go on amazing trips to more places. Grow my businesses. Write a few books. Host a TV show. Help some amazing philanthropies. Create a flourishing garden. Build my Caribbean dream house. I don’t have time to do most of these things now so throwing a mini MLK into the routine seems more unlikely as time goes on. And I’m 39, so there’s that. Look, I am not saying that it isn’t possible to do those things and have children. For many of you it is and I’m clapping loudly. No bs – I’m very impressed with those who can “do it all”. But me…..I don’t know if I’d love it…and many of you aren’t selling me on it either, lol.  I love quiet. I’m introverted when I’m not handling business. Not a small talker. I like being alone or sitting silently with someone while we work on individual tasks. Reading uninterrupted. Going where I want, when I want. And as much as I’ve heard from others that I seem like I would be a great parent,well, there are many things that I am good at that I don’t necessarily love doing.

For some parents out there, I may sound slightly obnoxious. For others, you may be very interested in telling me how wrong I am – that I can do it all. I get it. I know you are happy with your beautiful children and couldn’t imagine life without them.  However, I didn’t write this for you. I wrote this for all of the childless people out there who feel like they need to qualify their “lack” of a mini me. Not all of us who don’t have kids of our own feel like crap about it. But the questions we receive and the “you will never know love like the love of a child” convos I’ve had; sometimes, it’s a little rude. Perhaps I will never know the love of my own child, but it doesn’t mean that I don’t love many children and those children don’t love me.

Life is about doing what you feel comfortable with as an individual. It’s not about what society thinks you should do at the cost of your own happiness. I believe that we must create the lives that we want, not the lives that will make people feel comfortable with us.  And maybe one day, if it’s still possible, I’ll have some change of heart. Until then…I will be truly excited to share your stories and dreams for your children, if we can also discuss the business Carl and I created that provides healthy choices to a neighborhood that didn’t have access to yummy healthy food like it 4 years ago when we opened. Birthing a nation can happen in many ways. I’ve just chosen another option.